Anger - learning to deal with anger and resentment in a healthy way
We all know when anger or resentment boils up inside us. When we see red. How do you deal with anger? Do you swallow the anger or resentment? Or do you feel the need to lash out at something? Or do you do excessive sports to make the anger go away? These and many more are possible ways of dealing with anger, but not the healthiest.
As a child, many of us were taught that anger is unwelcome. "Go to your room until you calm down." In other cases, we may have been frightened because we hurt someone in an argument in which we were angry.
Anger and negative beliefs and beliefs
Through such experiences and experiences we begin to form beliefs and convictions related to anger, for example:
- When I get angry, I am not loved
- Being angry is not allowed
- Anger is dangerous
- I could harm someone if I get angry
What happens when we suppress emotions?
If we have learned in one way or another that anger is not wanted, at some point we start to suppress it. The problem is that we cannot selectively suppress emotions. For example, when we start to suppress anger, over time we automatically suppress other emotions as well. We don't feel anger any more, but we dampen the other emotions as well. We put a blanket over the emotions. You can live like that, but the depth, the joy, the lightness, the connection to yourself and others in life is missing.
Acting out or controlling anger and resentment
Acting out anger by punching a pillow or punching bag or going jogging only solves the problem superficially. You can punch a pillow perfectly well, but still not feel the anger and continue to suppress it. Any behaviour or activity related to anger serves to suppress or control the anger.
Feeling anger and resentment in a healthy way
Anger is just an emotion like any other emotion. Yes, it is a strong emotion. But it is also simply e-emotion. Energy in motion that only wants to move through our body, nothing more.
When we give the space to anger, really FEEL it for what it really is, a pure body sensation, a biochemical process that takes place. E.G.:
- We get hot
- The jaws press together
- The hands clench
- Breathing becomes more difficult
- The face turns red
If we feel anger and other emotions and there is no story attached to the emotion, the anger or the other emotions can rush through us in seconds or minutes. Only when we hold on to stories and link them to the anger and other emotions does the emotion get stuck inside us.
Do an experiment the next time you get angry
- Don't go jogging or to the gym if you feel you are angry or aggressive.
- sit down
- close your eyes
- become still and feel
- observe your body sensations
- what do you feel in your body?
- where do you feel something in your body?
- welcome what shows up, whatever it is for you
- the way you do it, you do it just right
- what words come up in you?
- What images do you see?
- How do you know this feeling from your childhood?
- Who were you angry with as a child?
It is the anger of your inner childthat you now feel as an adult.
Your inner child is the younger version of you that could not feel anger and resentment in a healthy way because you did not have emotional support as a child in that moment. This emotional memory lives on in you as an adult.
Learning to feel anger and resentment again in a healthy way with Emotional Release and The Journey®.
I work with the wonderful Journey Therapy to help people feel anger and other deep emotions again in a healthy way and to get back in touch with themselves, thus also bringing about a positive impact in their dealings with others.