Narcissistic mothers and their children

Narcissistic mothers leave a profound impact on the lives of their daughters and sons. You may have been wondering for some time what is wrong with you. Materially you have received everything from your parents, but you have the deep vague feeling that the relationship with your mother has always been somehow "strange". Distant, different from what you know from friends and their parents. You may have grown up in a narcissistic family structure without being aware of it until now.

Children of narcissistic parents often suffer for years or decades and often only realise as adults that they do not have or did not have a healthy relationship with their parents and how much this has influenced and shaped their whole life, their whole being.

The boundaries of whether your mother has a narcissistic personality disorder or "only" narcissistic behaviour are fluid. Narcissistic mothers do not necessarily have to have a narcissistic personality disorder in the clinical sense to have a massively damaging influence on the development of their daughters and sons. I am therefore dealing here with mothers with narcissistic traits in general. Of course, there are different degrees of narcissism - milder and stronger narcissistic behaviour. It is also not important for you to know exactly whether your mother has an explicit narcissistic personality disorder or "only" displays narcissistic behaviour. Both are extremely toxic.

Narcissistic personality disorder is - to put it simply - the intensification of narcissistic behaviour and must fulfil certain criteria according to ICD-10.

 

How do narcissistic mothers behave?

Narcissistic mothers regard their children as part of themselves, so the children cannot develop themselves. Any attempts at autonomy are prevented, devalued, ridiculed and criticised. As a result, the healthy psychological development of the child can be severely impaired. The daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers completely lose their identity.

Narcissistic mothers are unsympathetic, emotionally distant and use emotional blackmail and manipulation to keep the children emotionally dependent. Love is conditional. Silence and ignoring are used as punishment. Narcissistic mothers are very dominant and controlling and absolutely incapable of criticism.

 

Openly narcissistic mothers

Behaviour differs depending on whether it is overt or covert narcissism. Openly narcissistic mothers display grandiose, extroverted outwardly confident behaviour and demand admiration and can be openly aggressive.

 

Covert narcissistic mothers

Covert narcissismis more difficult to recognise than overt narcissism because the narcissistic behaviour is more subtle. Covert narcissistic mothers tend to be introverted, often acting seemingly selflessly, "sacrificing" themselves for the family under the guise of taking superior care of the children. Under this guise, they dominate and control the children and make the children emotionally dependent, manipulating with feelings of guilt and fear.

If the children try to detach themselves, the covert narcissistic mother criticises, devalues, ridicules the child and makes it subtly clear to the child that - if it does not follow the mother's advice - it will never be able to successfully master its life. Behind the selflessness of covert narcissistic mothers lies a great need for recognition.

 

Narcissistic Mother Symptoms

Characteristic symptoms of narcissistic mothers

Please note that just because some of the following criteria and symptoms apply to your mother does not mean that you have a narcissistic mother. However, if many of the symptoms or all of the behaviours mentioned apply to your mother, it is likely that you have a narcissistic mother. The behaviours can vary in severity. If your mother has a narcissistic personality disorder, the symptoms and signs can be much more pronounced than with a mother who "only" has narcissistic traits. There are, of course, many varieties of the aforementioned behaviours.

 

Online group for narcissism survivors: Get your life back!

Advance notice:

From 2022 I will be offering a free online group specifically for people who have experienced narcissistic abuse. We will meet once a month in the evening. The content is specifically geared to the needs of victims of narcissists.

Contents of this group will be:

  • Group coaching
  • Learning to feel and sense oneself again
  • powerful, transformational inner journeys
  • Changes in beliefs
  • Strengthen self-love and self-worth
  • Awareness raising
  • and much more

Who is the group for:

You feel the deep will to change something in your life and are open and ready for something new. You are ready to leave your drama behind and want to get your life back. Then you are in the right place.

For whom the group is not:

This is not a traditional self-help group. The group does not replace individual therapy sessions.

Costs:

Valuable, but free

When:

Once a month in the evening.

Therapy programme for victims of narcissists

The core of my therapy programme for narcissism victims:

  • Emotional reappraisal of the narcissistic trauma
  • Inner child work
  • Transformation of your negative beliefs into supportive beliefs
  • Building self-love and self-worth
  • Working with the subconscious
  • Refocusing your mindset on positive goals
  • Implementation in everyday life

It is not talk therapy, but I lead you on journeys of discovery into your deepest inner being.

The healing of narcissistic trauma is a process that takes time. In order to accompany this process in the best possible way, I have developed the programme for narcissism victims, in which I combine various profound techniques to pick you up exactly where you are right now.

Online narcissism consultation

You feel you are in a toxic (parent) relationship and have questions about narcissism but no answers? You wonder if you have a narcissistic mother? You doubt your own perception? You cannot categorise what you are experiencing? 

Book an appointment at my online narcissism consultation:

You ask, I answer.

It suppresses your self-development

  • Owns you
  • Considers you as a part of themselves and not as an independent person
  • what does not fit into their image does not exist or is denigrated
  • prevents autonomy efforts of any kind, devalues or ridicules them or punishes you with silence
  • Does not support a healthy development of your self-worth and individuality
  • Decides about you for your own good, because you don't know what you want, e.g.
    o What clothes you wear
    o What hairstyle you have
    o What school you go to
    o Choose the school subjects for you, even in the upper school
    o What education you do
    o What profession you take up
    o Find a flat according to their ideas
    o Choose a sport
    o What instrument you play, even if you are completely unmusical
    o Whether you eat vegetarian food or meat
  • You are not allowed to have your own opinion

 

Prohibition to be me

She blackmails you emotionally and manipulates you

  • Often non-verbal, but very effective
  • Withdrawal of love
  • Ignores you
  • Punishes You with Silence (Silent Treatment)
  • If you are not as I want you to be, then......
  • Love and affection come with strings attached
  • Questions your perception (gaslighting)
  • Stirs up self-doubt in you
  • Portrays you as crazy if you question their actions or pursue things of your own
  • Questions what and how you feel
  • Spreads "funny" mood that you try to save as a child and manipulates you with it

 

She makes you emotionally dependent

  • You still seek approval or advice from your mother even in adulthood.

 

She dominates and controls

  • is always right, does not tolerate contradiction
  • Is not able to accept your "no I don't want to".
  • Has the need to keep you down
  • Makes your successes small or does not react to them, ignores them
  • Permanently exceeds your limits
  • Controls you
  • Humiliates and devalues you
  • the contact with her is not at eye level
  • Makes fun of you
  • goes into competition with you
  • is envious of you

 

Is emotionally cold

  • Not capable of empathy
  • Can't show real warmth, no maternal warmth
  • is a purely functional mother
  • Is emotionally unavailable
  • does not care how you feel
  • No warm, appreciative communication
  • does not perceive that you do not have a personal, deep relationship
  • You could never go to her when someone hurt you or when you were in pain because you were afraid that she would dig deeper into the wound instead of being there for you.

 

narcissistic mother callous

Uses you to realise itself

  • it is not about promoting your talents and interests, but about your mother's self-realisation
  • presents this as "sacrificing" for the family, but everything must be done according to their will, what you want is not relevant

 

She is absolutely incapable of criticism

  • Is absolutely incapable of criticism, but constantly criticises you and others
  • Considers himself infallible
  • Cannot under any circumstances admit that she has made a mistake
  • Causes you to feel guilty (guilt reversal)
  • If you criticise a narcissistic mother, you will be punished.

 

Clarifying conversations are not possible, they are blocked off, you

  • You are to blame
  • Are wrong
  • Are the problem
  • Are difficult
  • You are ungrateful
  • you remembered it wrong
  • cannot win against them

 

Often there is a "golden child" and a scapegoat

  • one child is idealised and the other child is devalued, dominated, controlled, manipulated
  • When you try to clarify this in conversation, she tells you that you are imagining it.
  • the relationship between the siblings is often severely strainedas a result

 

Perfect family image on the outside - coldness and distance behind the façade

  • Presents the perfect image of the perfect, harmonious family to the outside world, outward appearance is everything
  • What goes on behind the façade must not be brought outside
  • Distant contact, no emotional closeness, support or cordiality
  • Conversations only about factual topics such as house, car, job, money
  • No real participation in your life, in what really makes you you
  • The family is focused on functioning and presenting

 

She perceives the relationship with you to be good as long as you

  • You follow her
  • have the same opinion as her
  • You pursue the same interests

 

The narcissistic mother-daughter relationship

In the case of narcissism of the mother, the mother-daughter relationship is of particular importance. Narcissistic mothers see themselves in their daughters. On the one hand, the mother sees her daughter as part of herself and thus prevents the healthy development of the daughter's own identity. On the other hand, she sees her own daughter as competition and unconsciously projects her own pain, worthlessness and insecurity onto her daughter and devalues her, keeps her small, criticises and manipulates her.

In narcissistic mothers, the mother-daughter relationship is therefore often permanently disturbed due to this destructive dynamic.

 

Can a narcissist love his child?

I invite you to see the answer in a differentiated way. The narcissistic personality possesses its child, which has little to do with love. The soul of your mother or father, however, loves you and has always loved you. Understand that your mother's or father's soul is something completely different from her or his narcissistic behaviour. If you are open and willing to allow these thoughts - just for this moment - this can be an important insight for your healing. And that is what this is about - your healing.

Your mother's or father's behaviour may not be forgivable. But if you can see her or his behaviour and her or his soul separately, this can help you to possibly come to terms with the past more easily. Not with her or him as a narcissistic person, not with her or his behaviour, but with her or his soul. And that is what it is about, that you can make peace.

 

What you need to know for your healing

My opinion is based on my experience in trauma therapy. You have to know that a narcissist has a repressed childhood trauma that he/she is not aware of because he/she has split it off. This is a survival mechanism. The narcissistic behaviour is an avoidance strategy of the narcissist in order not to have to feel his/her own pain. Of course, this does not excuse narcissistic behaviour under any circumstances - every person is responsible for himself and his behaviour - but it is an explanation from trauma therapy. Inside every narcissist there is a small wounded child who lashes out. The narcissist unconsciously projects his pain onto his children. As a child, we relate all the words and actions to us and believe it has to do with us. All the humiliation, the silence, the emotional coldness, has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with your narcissistic mother and her own inner pain, which she is not able to handle other than with her narcissistic behaviour.

In order not to have to feel this pain, narcissistic mothers/fathers have buried themselves behind a high wall, therefore they can show little empathy because nothing penetrates through this wall. The love of the soul for their children cannot penetrate through this wall either. Therefore, the children feel no motherly love, no motherly warmth, no cordiality, closeness. But that does not mean that there is no love behind the wall.

Do you understand the difference in perspective?

It's about making peace with your past. Not with your mother as a person or with her behaviour, but with her soul.

Making peace means letting go.

Letting go means healing.

It's about you being able to heal.

Do narcissists love their children?

Dealing with a narcissistic mother

Narcissistic mothers are not insightful. This is a characteristic of narcissistic mothers. Everyone else is the problem or has the problem. The sooner you realise this and understand that she will never change, no matter how much you want her to, the better for you.

If the mother is narcissistic, the mother-daughter relationship will never be characterised by warm closeness. Never.

A narcissistic mother cannot empathise with you. If you, as the daughter of a narcissistic mother, try to have a clarifying conversation with her, it will only lead to her telling you that you are to blame for the situation and that there is something wrong with you.

The fact is that you may start to care that you are well.

 

Basic rules for dealing with narcissistic mothers

These are some important ground rules for dealing with a narcissistic mother that can make your life easier.

 

1. do not take it personally

I know you have spent your whole life relating to yourself the things your mother said or didn't say. So learn how to stop taking it personally.

See your narcissistic mother as her little inner wounded child who lashes out verbally and emotionally to avoid feeling and dealing with her own emotional wounds. Her behaviour has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with her. Something can only come out of a person that is inside them. Let that sink in. Read this again.

Do not try to make them see reason, this is not possible with narcissists. You cannot win an argument with a narcissist.

It has nothing to do with you. This is a very important realisation.

 

2. minimise contact

Minimise contact or break it off, at least for a while, create distance. It is your decision how often and how long you have contact with whom, even if it is your mother.

Take your needs into account, you do what is good for you and not what determines them.

 

3. keep the contact superficial

Keep the conversations superficial and factual so your mother can't use anything against you and can't hurt you emotionally.

 

4. learn to set boundaries

Set healthy boundaries, if they are not respected by her, leave or don't answer the phone.

 

5. strengthen your self-love and self-worth

Work on building your self-love and self-worth - narcissists can only act outtheir behaviour with people who have low self-worth.

 

6. become emotionally independent

Work on your emotional independence so that you can make free decisions.

 

Breaking off contact with a narcissistic mother, yes or no?

If you want to heal your soul and your body, you need space and time. Space for you and time for you. It is essential that you learn to set boundaries and this is not tolerable for narcissistic mothers. It may therefore be that minimising contact is not enough and that - at least for some time or possibly forever - breaking off contact with your narcissistic mother is the only way to heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse.

And yes, it is allowed to break off contact with one's mother.

 

End of life of a narcissistic mother

The most important thing here is: Listen to your need. What feels right for you?

Depending on where you are on your path of healing, it is important that at the end of your narcissistic mother's life you do not get caught up in the machinery of her narcissistic games again.

Here you must and may clearly decide what is possible and good for you and what is not.

When it comes to end-of-life care and assistance for your narcissistic mother, there are social services for this. You don't have to do it yourself. You can keep contact to a minimum if that feels good and right for you.

Narcissistic mothers impart feelings of guilt to their children, which will be stored in you for a lifetime if you have not worked through this. You must therefore take great care of yourself and separate yourself so that your narcissistic mother does not continue to manipulate you with feelings of guilt in old age and at the end of her life.

If you have a good relationship with your parents, it is a natural consequence that you will take care of them in old age. But if this is not given, you may free yourself from corresponding beliefs that you have to do this.

Say the following sentence out loud:
I respect you, but I don't care what you think about me.

It is your life!
You may say YES to yourself.

End of life narcissistic mother

What consequences do narcissistic mothers leave behind for the affected children?

Children of narcissistic mothers often feel a deep insecurity, feel wrong, have no confidence in themselves and their abilities and own perceptions. They have been brainwashed that they are wrong the way they are and are therefore extremely conformist.

Daughters of narcissistic mothers are afraid of not being loved, afraid of not being good enough, because if they are not loved or not good enough, it means that they might experience rejection. Rejection for a child means no protection, no care, no nourishment, which in the end would mean death.

This is where unconscious primal fears come into play.

As the daughter of a narcissistic mother who constantly undermines your own perception, at some point you no longer know who you actually are. You have lost yourself completely.

As a child you have acquired survival strategies - these are certain behavioural patterns - in order to be able to deal with the situation, to be able to survive. You stored these patterns in your subconscious as a child. These patterns are still active in you and affect your whole life if you do not work them out.

The first step to healing is to become aware of it. Because only when you are aware of something can you change it.

Who did you have to be for your mother?

What did your mother say to you?

What has that done to you?

The following list of consequences of a narcissistic mother is exemplary. Do you find yourself in it?

  • You don't know who you really are, you have completely lost your identity.
  • You are not good enough
  • You want to please everyone, bend yourself out of fear of being hurt, criticised or ostracised, or in order to be accepted.
  • You are dependent on love and recognition/attention from your mother or later from other people.
  • You want to be loved at all costs and do everything for it because you have had negative experiences when you follow your own path.
  • You are a puppet of your mother
  • You feel inadequate
  • You have the feeling that something is wrong with you
  • You have never learned to trust your inner voice
  • You often find yourself in victim rolesbecause this is what you radiate.
  • You feel worthless, inferior
  • You have low self-esteem
  • You have learned not to talk back
  • You are introverted, shy, quiet
  • You do notfeel self-love
  • You neglect your own wishes and needs
  • You are afraid of being abandoned
  • You sabotage yourself or are performance-oriented
  • You suppress your own emotions (because of your mother's lack of empathy or because you are afraid of criticism).
  • You were punished with silence (Silent Treatment)
  • Deep inside you are afraid of your mother
  • You are full of self-doubt
  • You no longer feel yourself, you feel numb
  • You feel an inner emptiness inside you
  • You no longer feel
  • You are emotionally dependent on your narcissistic mother, you feel the need to get her approval for everything you do because you lack any identity.
  • You feel guilty if you do not follow your mother's "advice".
  • You have lost contact with yourself, you have no feeling for yourself.
  • You have lost confidence in yourself and your own perceptions and feelings.
  • You have no self-confidence
  • You find it very difficult to set boundaries
  • You're afraid of getting in trouble
  • You have no opinion of your own
  • You were told you were a difficult child
  • You don't work at your heart's job
  • You have destructive or toxic relationship patterns, you are dependent on other people
  • You have a helper syndrome (conflict avoidance or to "work out" recognition and love).
  • You are perfectionistic (out of fear of never being good enough)
  • You are afraid of doing something wrong
  • You relate everything to yourself (reaction, words, moods).
  • You cannot maintain eye contact in conversation with others
  • You have a very good perception of moods and the unspoken
  • You have emotional stress
  • Your system is constantly in fear and stress mode
  • You suffer from depressive mood, depression, burnout, addictions, sleep disorders
  • You have psychosomatic complaints

Emotional blackmail by narcissistic mother

Narcissistic mothers often work with emotional blackmail. Emotional blackmail or emotional abuse is psychological violence. Emotional abuse is subtle and can have many faces.

As the daughter of a narcissistic mother , as a child, you have unconsciously done EVERYTHING to receive love and affection, protection and nourishment. Because that is what we need as children to survive. 

If your narcissistic mother used emotional blackmail to exert her power over you, this will create deep-seated negative beliefs in you that will continue to operate in adulthood if not resolved.

Many daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers only understand late on how much they have been shaped by the narcissistic mother.

If your mother manipulates you emotionally, this can look like this, among other things:

  • she punishes you with silence (Silent Treatment)
  • You know that if you don't do what she wants, she won't talk to you anymore.
  • often happens non-verbally
  • create feelings of guilt
  • You have the feeling that you cannot decide freely, you are manipulated by the behaviour of your narcissistic mother (words, facial expressions, silence etc.) to do things that are unhealthy for you and that you also do not want.
  • You feel you are responsible for family peace
  • You are afraid of being deprived of love
  • You are afraid of no longer getting support
  • You have the choice between plague and cholera - either you do what your heart tells you and get silent treatment, no more support, criticism, devaluation or you follow the opinion of the narcissistic mother and sell your soul.

 

Emotional abuse leads to traumatisation

Daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers often experience traumatisation due to the emotional abuse or emotional blackmail that can lead to suppression of emotions. Affected persons often experience

  • Fainting
  • Helplessness
  • Uncertainty
  • Fears
  • Shame
  • Debt
  • Worthlessness
  • Lost
  • feel small
  • Inadequacy
  • Dependence
  • be unlovable
  • feel insignificant

Do you recognise yourself?

 

Silent treatment as a form of emotional abuse

Silent treatment

Silent Treatment literally means: treatment by silence. Radio silence. Silent treatment is one of many manipulation techniques with which a narcissistic mother deeply unsettles and destabilises her children with sustained, deliberate silence and ignoring. She controls and manipulates you with Silent Treatment. You are air. You cease to exist. You are dead to the narcissist. 

The narcissistic mother denies the existence of the victim. If you, as the daughter of a narcissistic mother, have experienced victim "silent treatment", the knowing ignoring, punishment by silence, you may have developed enormous feelings of guilt, deep insecurities and fears as a result. Fear of criticism, fear of not being lovable, fear of not being right and many more. Because with "silent treatment" always comes the unspoken message, "You did something wrong." "You disappoint me." "You are not the way I want you to be." "You're not part of the family." "If you don't do what I want, I'll ignore you."

Silent treatment is emotional abuse. Silent treatment is psychological violence.

The result is that the affected children adapt to the point of complete self-sacrifice, completely negate their own wishes and needs, and at some point no longer even know them, just so that they no longer have to experience "silent treatment".

 

How should you respond to Silent Treatment?

Realise that

  • You are right, just as you are
  • Silent Treatment is an attempt to control and manipulate you
  • You are not the problem, but your narcissistic mother.
  • a narcissist is unable to communicate in a healthy way
  • Silent Treatment Psychological Violence is
  • a narcissist will not change

Draw the consequences

  •  Set limits!
  • Communicate clearly what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. Stick to it.
  • don't run after your narcissistic mother

Learn to love yourself. When you love yourself

  •  Your self-worth rises automatically
  • You can set healthy boundaries
  • a narcissist can no longer manipulate you
  • you free yourself from your emotional dependence

Heal your inner child. You are an adult now. You no longer need your mother to survive. Let her be silent. This is your issue, not yours. Not anymore. She only has power over your wounded inner child, not over you as an adult. If you heal the injuries of your inner child, no silent treatment can affect you any more. 

Surround yourself with people who are good for you. See what is good for you.

You are the voice now! You decide what you accept from your mother and to what you say: No thanks. 

 

Emotional abuse leads to the formation of negative beliefs and convictions in the affected persons

A narcissistic mother or father often commits emotional abuse or emotional blackmail. Through emotional abuse, the children of a narcissistic mother and father develop destructive and limiting beliefs and convictions such as:

  • I am not lovable
  • I am not right
  • I must not feel
  • What I feel is wrong
  • I must not be me
  • I am not allowed to have my own opinion
  • I have no needs
  • I am unimportant
  • I have to do what others say
  • I am a bad daughter/bad son
  • when I feel this, I die
  • and many, many more

None of this is true. You just started to believe this at some point.

You have made another person's truth your truth.

But is that really true?

Narcissistic mother

How to get out of the narcissism trap

When the individual building blocks all fall into place and the realisation or certainty seeps through to you that you probably have a narcissistic mother, you have found out that the things that have happened are called emotional blackmail, there is first of all a huge black hole.

Emotions may come up, such as anger. Anger at yourself for putting up with all this. Anger at your mother. Powerlessness or helplessness. Sadness about the lost time of your life. Grief about the mother you never had. You may feel overwhelmed. Hopeless. All of this is allowed to be here and is part of the healing process. The way back to you. The way home.

 

Take responsibility for your life and get your life back

You have built a wall around your heart to protect yourself from further injury and put yourself in chains.

The time to free yourself is NOW.

Who did you have to be for your narcissistic mother?

Who do you want to be?

If change is to happen permanently, you have to go through 5 stages in exactly this order.

 

1. develop awareness of your behaviour patterns

Become aware that you have a narcissistic mother and that this is the cause of your challenges in life. You can only change what you are aware of. By reading this text, you can see that you are already aware. You have made another person's truth your truth. But is that really true?

You continue the behavioural patterns as an adult that you acquired as a child as a survival strategy.

 

2. develop understanding of where it comes from

You may understand that everything that has happened to you has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with the inner world of your mother. What she said or did not say to you, what she did or did not do, is an expression of the inner world of your narcissistic mother. Inside a narcissist is a small hurt child who lashes out. Narcissistic mothers project their own pain onto their children. You have related words, silences, manipulations to yourself. You thought their words were true and believed them. They are not true. Understanding this is important for your healing. You may also understand that the cause of your challenges in the here and now as an adult is to be sought and solved at the child level. As a child you had to adapt to survive, you were dependent on your parents. You may understand that your childhood programmes, which served you as a survival strategy at that time, are still running within you. You are an adult now. You can survive on your own, you don't need those survival strategies from back then anymore. But for this you have to transform and let go of the childhood programmes that have become useless.

 

3. let go

You are allowed to detach from the comments and actions of your narcissistic mother and the evaluations and experiences you had as a child. You learn to let go of the negative beliefs and programmes that you absorbed into your subconscious in childhood and the emotional injuries that go with them. Piece by piece. You dig out what you really are, what makes you you.

 

4. realign yourself

You learn to realign your mindset and subconscious positively to lead a self-determined life with self-love, self-worth and self-confidence.

 

5. come to the implementation

You learn to practise self-love, self-care, healthy boundary setting and implement them in your daily life. The 'doing' is a prerequisite for lasting change.

 

Narcissistic mother - how to overcome your trauma with my intensive therapy programme especially for narcissism victims

From my own experience and from working with victims of narcissists, I have developed an intensive therapy programme tailored to the needs of narcissism victims.

Narcissistic abuse, especially when experienced in childhood, leaves deep traces in the soul of daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers and therefore requires a complex therapeutic approach that covers all the areas influenced.

I do not work with talking therapies in my practice, but I work with guided, deep, powerful inner journeys in your subconscious.

Our subconscious mind makes up 95% of us. Our conscious mind makes up only 5% of us. Talking therapies take place with the conscious mind.

However, the behavioural patterns established in childhood, the coping strategies that you have adopted in order to survive, are stored in your subconscious.

Therefore, I have developed a programme for narcissism victims that works on different levels in the subconscious.

In the process, you always go through the five stages of change for permanent integration into your life - for each point you work on:

  1. Becoming aware of a topic
  2. Understanding the cause
  3. Letting go of emotional hurts and undeserving patterns and beliefs
  4. Reorientation towards a positive focus
  5. Integrate and implement what is experienced in the process on a daily basis
Trauma therapy

What we do in my narcissism victim therapy programme

  • emotional release of your repressed emotions
  • Working with your inner child
  • we realign your mindset
  • You learn how to build self-love and self-worth
  • You transform your negative beliefs and convictions in your subconscious mind.
  • Trauma Release

My Narcissism Victim Programme, with which I accompany daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers and fathers, starts with the release and learning to feel the repressed emotions again.

Emotions, when looked at soberly, are just energy in motion (e-motion) that makes itself felt in our bodies through various bodily sensations. When we can feel emotions in a healthy way, emotions rush through our body in a few seconds.

However, if we link a painful story to the emotion and hold on to it, we lose ourselves in the emotion. We perceive the emotion as terrible, sometimes even develop a fear of feeling emotions. Sooner or later, this leads to the suppression of emotions.

A narcissistic mother or father often behaves in such a way that the children learn that their own emotions and perceptions are not wanted. As a result, the children start to suppress their emotions. The problem here is that we cannot selectively suppress individual emotions. If we start to suppress one emotion, we automatically suppress all other emotions. A blanket covers everything. You feel numb. Disconnected. Empty.

 

Emotional Release Therapy - Learning to feel emotions again in a healthy way

With my programme specifically for victims of narcissists, we slowly begin to pull back the blanket that has settled over everything and bit by bit the emotions, words and images that have been suppressed for so long can slowly emerge again and be felt and spoken.

The trauma, old emotional wounds and cell memories stored in the tissue are released through process work, inner child work, belief changes, forgiveness and, if necessary, body therapy interventions and peace can be made with the experience.

 

Inner child work

The inner child is the younger version of you that was emotionally hurt and left alone with this hurt. Your emotionally wounded inner child is now stuck in an adult body and acting out its pain.

In the deep inner journeys I guide, you get back in touch with the small, inner child that has experienced all the hurts. Theinner child gets a voice in the inner journeys, a voice it may never have had. All this takes place in a protected and safe framework.
On the one hand this can be very painful, on the other hand it is extremely liberating and invigorating. You get to know parts of yourself again that you have kept under lock and key for a very long time

You learn how you, as an adult, can now give your inner child what it has always longed for.

My therapy programme is not a talking therapy, but a journey into your deepest inner self.

 

Transformation of undeserving childhood patterns

All behaviour is emotion-driven. We behave in certain ways to avoid feeling painful emotions because we are too afraid of them. This is how addictions can arise, such as smoking, alcohol, the internet, compulsive consumerism, eating problems, but also many other behaviours, for example when we switch to autopilot, take refuge in the head and behave in certain ways even though we don't really want to. 

When we release repressed emotions and can feel emotions again in a healthy and natural way, this automatically changes our behaviour because we no longer run away from our emotions because we have lost the fear of feeling the emotions.

My heartfelt concern for children of narcissistic mothers

Narcissistic mothers leave deep traces and consequences in the lives of their children. From my own deep understanding, it is a special concern of my heart to accompany daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers with my therapy programme for narcissism victims. I have developed this therapy programme from my own experience and the accompaniment of narcissism victims especially for narcissism victims.

Here you will find detailed information about my therapy programme for victims of narcissists.

I offer my therapy programme for narcissism victims at my practice in Frankfurt am Main and also as a video call.

 

Mentoring for more self-worth and self-love

You want to start a little smaller?

Then start building your self-love and self-worth. I work with deep inner journeys to build your self-love and self-worth and you get practical tools on how to slowly - piece by piece - integrate self-love into your everyday life. 

When you love yourself again, 

  • This automatically increases your self-worth
  • Protect yourself from narcissists
  • You stand up for yourself
  • it is much easier for you to set limits, out of love for yourself.
Therapy programme for victims of narcissists

I will gladly support you from the bottom of my heart on your way home to yourself. Alive. Free. Authentic.

Book an appointment for a preliminary talk now and we'll find out together how you can best get started!

Online narcissism consultation

You are unsure whether you have a narcissistic mother? You don't know how to classify the things you have experienced? Do you doubt your perception? You no longer know what is normal and what is not normal in your dealings with your mother? Have you been told that you are imagining everything? In my online narcissism consultation I offer you the opportunity to ask me questions about narcissism, even if you are not interested in my therapy or mentoring services. 

You ask, I answer.

Stefanie Heinlein
Stefanie Heinlein

Stefanie Heinlein is an expert on narcissism, alternative practitioner & mentor. Her mission: Emotional Release & working with the subconscious. She supports people to free themselves from the shackles of their emotional injuries and traumas, and the related repressed emotions and patterns, regardless of the cause. Her particular area of heart and specialisation is supporting women to release their narcissistic trauma so that they can once again live a self-determined life with self-love, self-worth and self-confidence.

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